The inspiration of this blog comes largely from watching the current Republican nominee process. More to the point, it’s very clear that when it comes to politics and the electoral process, big money almost always beats little money. What if your child’s school Principal was hired not by their skills and abilities, but by how much money was in their bank account?

I’m going to tackle several topics, give a little scenario, and then ask the “what if” question. As I’ve mentioned in previous posts, I seek out people that make me think. Comedians like Louis CK and Jon Stewart are examples of guys that entertain me and get my brain jogging on a regular basis. I hope I’m able to do the same for you in this post.

You’re heading home after a long day at work. It was a grind as your boss threw you under the bus and blamed you and your department for underperforming. Traffic was at a standstill for much of your commute home and you’re ready to take out your frustration on your dog and spouse. What if instead of walking in the house with a negative attitude because of your rough day, you hugged your spouse and gave your dog a treat for being loyal, loveable family members who you adore and make your world better? We can’t go back in time, but think about it the next time you’re in that situation.

Looking in the mirror you see how the holidays helped add a few extra pounds to your midsection. You go out to eat for lunch daily and out to dinner at least a few days a week. You’re constantly ordering pasta dishes and too many fried appetizers, not to mention the IPAs and scotch on the rocks. What if instead of going out to eat for lunch, you packed your lunch with healthier options? In addition, you could designate Sundays as “dinner for the week preparation” day. What if you could commit to doing that for a few months to determine if you saved money and got in better shape?

You’re in the college library, studying for an exam when the most beautiful woman sits down one table over from you. As much as you want to focus on your study materials, you can’t help but be distracted as she gives you a quick smile before her eyes dart back to her book. What if you got the courage to walk over and introduce yourself? Ten years from now you think back to this scenario and wonder what life would be like if that magical moment was your chance to find true happiness, and you blew it. No regrets on where you are today, but interesting to think back none the same.

Life is all about what ifs. I often find myself daydreaming, wondering what life would be like now if I had made different choices years ago. When we’re young, we have that invincibility feeling like nothing bad could ever happen to us. We don’t realize how impactful the decisions we make at a young age will affect us later in life. What if you could go back in time and make changes based on the knowledge you have now? We all have things we could have done differently, but we lived our lives the best we knew how then. It does however give us pause, so that we’re able to use our experience on making better choices like hugging family members even if you’re had a rotten day. Say hi to that person who intrigues you, the worst they could do is say not interested (or throw a drink at you if you’re in the bar). Slowing down in life allows us to answer those wonderful what if questions a little more carefully.

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Too often we hear people make absolute statements.

“The Lions have no chance of winning this game.”

“Buy my program and I guarantee your business will double.”

“It’s going to snow tonight.”

The obvious problem is we’re almost never in control of the outcome, yet we feel so strong in our convictions that we go out on a ledge, and say ridiculous things. When it comes to business, owners who have a habit of making these sorts of statements demonstrate other flaws in their thinking. Life is almost never black and white; it’s the shades of grey that paint our world.

Creativity comes when you expand your mind, opening up endless possibilities. Give a seven-year-old a piece of paper and a box of crayons; you’ll never guess what they’ll create. Somewhere along the way we become cynical, through life experiences we start compartmentalizing right from wrong, left from right, and put things in neat little boxes. Most of the companies you see thriving today have tapped into their creative side and understand the need to be flexible and adaptable to the changing world around them. They don’t put their ideas in a box.

Think about the conversations you have on a daily basis. Some of the people you talk to exude excitement and passion, not surprisingly they tend to be successful in their endeavors. Contrast that to people who complain or talk about why something can’t work. They wear their frustration on their face for all to see and secretly wonder why they’re not more successful. These are the people who often make absolute statements.

Moving forward, pay special attention to how you communicate with others. Do you find yourself making absolute statements about work and life or are you more inclined to share your enthusiasm in possibilities? It’s important that from time to time we reassess how we come across to others. Perception is reality and I don’t know about you but I don’t want people thinking of me as a close minded professional. I’m still a kid at heart, coloring outside the lines.

 
The video below is a great illustration of thinking outside the box in the education sector.
 

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Salad or lobster bisque, which do you choose?

One is velvety goodness with just the right amount of richness, the other is green leaves. If you’re looking for pure immediate gratification, you choose the bisque. If, however, you’re looking to lose a few pounds and reduce the amount of fatty or high caloric foods in your daily routine, your choice is an easy one.

“I’ll take the house salad, dressing on the side please.”

Each and every day we’re faced with decisions large and small.

• Do you pass the slow cars in the right hand lane a mile before your exit?
• What do you prepare for lunch?
• Are you going to vote for Barack Obama or Mitt Romney?
• Who are you going to invite to your Birthday party?
• What am I going to buy my parents for their anniversary?
• Should I sell my business?

In the business world, we’re faced with difficult decisions on a daily basis that have an impact on our job security, income, promotion, safety, or perhaps, if that new prospect will buy from us or our competitor. In almost every scenario, in work and in life, making tougher choices, even on the simplest of decisions, will be the difference between living a good life or a great one.

Should I stay in tonight and study or go out with my friends and party?

Will I go for an hour long fast-paced walk or sit on the couch and eat chips?

Am I going to call the 20 prospects on my list or read another blog?

Just like eating a few more fries doesn’t seem that impactful on our overall health, the small decisions we make on a consistent basis add up to be a pretty big deal. We’re either creatures of good habits or bad ones; there’s hardly any room in the middle to dance.

So what do you do when you find yourself making bad decisions on a consistent basis?

1. Grab a piece of paper and write down your bad habits.
2. Determine which ones you really want to change, consider picking one at a time.
3. Figure out what alternative good habits you’re looking to achieve.
4. Create a 30 day S.M.A.R.T (Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, and Time Sensitive) plan to shift your behaviors.
5. Find an accountability partner and document your daily progress somewhere.
6. Assess how you did after 30 days, determine if you’ve developed and sustained your good habit(s).
7. Document your results, thoughts, and what your plans are to continue making good decisions.
8. See Step #1.

Coconuts

The reason many of us don’t work out regularly, make healthier food choices, push through to make another 30 dials, is because they’re not the path of least resistance. It requires more effort and discipline and we’re not conditioned to choose the coconut higher up on the tree.

There are exceptions to every rule, some people actually live life without incurring any bad habits, and I admire those people; however, most of us have at least one thing we could improve on. My list is admittedly pretty long, and writing blogs like this help me in a very cathartic way.

I’d love to hear your stories, when you’ve overcome obstacles in your life or converted a bad habit to a good one. Help motivate the rest of us and together we can achieve something awesome.

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Did you hear the latest? We’re still in a recession.

The housing market is slowly on the rise.

The Detroit Lions are on their way up.

Doughboy Johnny just started working out – New Year’s Resolution.

The temperature is starting to fall.

It seems that no matter what we discuss, we’re talking about that particular subject in a vacuum, often without context, and surely without history as a benchmark. Still confused?

If you take a look at the type of blogs hitting the stream these days, you’ll see a common theme. Bloggers, like me, are writing about where we are in the lifecycle of technology and social networking.

Social media pundits like Gary Vaynerchuk are expressing how surprised they are that more companies don’t know how to effectively communicate on social media channels. Another highly visible online personality, Chris Brogan, tweeted that he was surprised more Doctors didn’t have a web presence. In both cases, they’re stating that social media marketing should no longer be in its infancy while, statistically speaking, it still is. Just look at this study conducted last year.

Conclusion: We’re just scratching the surface

The latest conversation circling the Internet water cooler is who hates what. Some people are annoyed with Best of posts, others are tired of Top Ten Lists. We’ve been witnessing our friends and online connections for the past few years (depending on when you signed up), telling us everything from their recent dream sequence to what’s for dinner. We’re overloaded with information and we’re ready to pronounce what bugs us.

The Eight+ Stages of Relationships by Rinatta Paries

Without going through each stage, which you can do by clicking here, I want to focus on where I believe we are now in the life cycle of social media.

The Power Struggle

As Rinatta describes, “This is the stage at which most couples split up.” That’s exactly what we’re seeing online right now, people making decisions to unfollow or remove people from their network. There’s a power struggle for attention and for convincing others that your ideas are the right ones. In all relationships, we see a progression from one stage to the next, so it should come as no surprise for what we’re witnessing with online relationships.

Human beings are subjected to having strong feelings about our passions, which can create blinders and the inability to see things from another point of view. Once we draw a line in the sand, we’re very reluctant to move it. We’re stubborn creatures, by nature.

We see it now in politics, as Republicans and Democrats fight over their ideals, both convinced their way of thinking is the correct one. It’s happening online between those who have all the answers and those who are sick of the pundits. Over the past few years we’ve seen online behavior go from honeymoon to the discovery, followed by the commitment, and now power struggle. Years from now we’ll look back and be able to recoginize the transformation we’ve gone through from stage to stage, as an online community.

I have no doubt that most of 2012 we’ll be working through the power struggle stage and when the dust settles, we’ll land squarely on growth, stage #5 according to Rinatta. I really like her description about what that looks like:

Whether we’re talking about personal or business relationships, or the online community as a whole, we can’t ignore the fact that all relationships develop over time. In good times and in bad, we must put effort into the relationships that matter most to us, and hope that the honeymoon phase returns again.

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Don’t you love how we feel the need to provide a label for everything?

This over-sharing phenomenon has been in the making for quite some time; as early as the moment when people beyond the Ivy League students at Harvard became exposed to Facebook. Twitter’s emergence didn’t help matters, only they were smart enough to limit our jabbering to 140 characters until sites like Deck.ly came around allowing for extended nonsense. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still a supporter of social networking when done well.  That is, according to my definition and expectations.

And therein lies the rub

We’ve all created a set of rules and expectations for the Web and what we want to get out of spending time there. Some like to chit-chat with friends, others like to share blogs like there’s a commission for posting them. What makes us happy when we’re online differs from person to person, yet we all judge others by our rules, not theirs. Not fair, perhaps, but human nature all the same.

For quite some time we’ve heard grumblings that as more people join social networking sites, the more white noise will be created. There’s no doubt that my filter for what I find enjoyable is getting smaller and smaller by the day. I no longer feel the need to be plugged into every breath you take. Feel free to share that you have a headache, you just took a poop, or whatever floats your boat, just as long as you don’t mind me hitting the mute button, we’ll be just fine.

There are more social sites than ever before and most of the early adopters have, at a minimum, signed up on the majority of them even if they’re currently active on only a couple. That’s a lot of places to share what’s going on with your life, job, family, dinner plans, outcome of your kids soccer game, et cetera. It may be perfectly acceptable that Aunt Judy who lives in Arkansas is interested in little Susie’s “big match,” but the other 99% don’t care. Alright, maybe another 5% care, but there’s a name for them: Facebook Stalkers. Told you we like to label people.

In many cases I think we’ve developed a need for attention and affirmation. We all have groupies; it’s the size of our clan that separates us from being an influencer or wannabe. Each of us has that hidden desire to be an actor or band member, and our online friends make for the perfect enablers. Since it seems the more provocative the behavior, the bigger the online response, many people feel the need to not only out-do their peers, but to out-do the last of their own posts. This makes for a lot of chatter that isn’t necessarily useful. Useful, according to my standards of online etiquette.

So do me one little favor if you would. Take a look at your last few months of online activity and ask yourself one question: “Am I over-sharing?”

It’s okay if you have in retrospect. Almost all of us have from time to time, yet I’m finding an unpleasant trend that more are falling into this category of late. There’s a fine line between sharing just the right amount and when we start crossing over to the dark side. What, when, and how often to share is a decision that each of us has to make for ourselves, both in sending and receiving our communication stream.

What are your thoughts?

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I Have.

Writing this blog is my therapeutic way of getting back on track.

If you’ve been an avid reader of mine, and I’m certain there are a few of you out there, you’ve come to learn that I enjoy encouraging others to think a little more in-depth and to do some self-analysis based on the topics I discuss. In reality, I write this way because it makes me stop, think, and reflect; I’m just like you, looking for answers regardless of how we get there.

It’s easy to get away from our core strengths, what with all the distractions, social networks, family planning issues (I’m basing this on your Tweets and Facebook complaints), and self sabotage that is inherent to all of us. We all make mistakes and screw things up; even Tim Tebow must have some skeletons in his closet. We live in a world where we have too many choices and options, which is somewhat ironic since my last blog talked about the need to create more options for your business plan. See, I’m a walking contradiction: easily distracted and one who likes to go off on tangents. I should run for President!

So what are my core strengths?

If I’m doing this right, I’m making people laugh, and think, much like John Stewart does on The Daily Show , only not nearly as well as he does or I’d be on TV doing it. Contrary to popular belief, I do think there’s an ROI for making people laugh and everyone knows the greatest thinker of all time, Albert Einstein, is well revered. You could do a lot worse than have, was a humorous Albert Einstein type emblazoned on your tombstone.

Staying physically active goes hand in hand with core strength exercises. Have you ever felt completely lazy for a few days, or week — possibly a year? No working out and not enough walks on the beach or at a mall? We put on a few pounds, which makes us sad, only to then eat a pint of ice cream to drown our sorrows? It’s a vicious cycle, and the moment we get back to consistent physical activity we instantly become happier with more energy. Almost all of us produce much better in life when we eat properly and stay physically active, and THIS is a core strength I need to recapture.

Staying focused

Social networks, for all the good that they bring, have an element of pure evil that takes hold of your attention and spits it back in your face when the internet connection gets interrupted. People in corporate America have to wear more hats than ever, creating this necessity for multi-tasking madness, regardless if you’re the CEO or in customer service. The young entrepreneurs of the world have to play many roles: researcher, marketer, closer, administrator, not to mention trying to have a life. It’s no wonder we can’t stay focused, we’re asked to be octopi.

Helping others

Recently, I wrote about my passion for mentoring aspiring professionals . Whether you believe in paying it forward or sharing your expertise, the satisfaction you get in seeing those around you succeed is second to none. I imagine it’s exactly how parents feel when they see their children do well. I don’t have kids (at least no surprise Father’s Day cards as of yet), so it’s fair to say that I look at the young entrepreneurs I’ve worked with as my children, but not in a creepy Jerry Sandusky kind of way.

It is my hope that this blog has caused you to laugh, and to think. Remember, that’s one of my core strengths, which has been playing hide and seek for far too long. It’s time to take back control and fight off the demons no matter how hard they try to distract me. It’s time to re-focus and re-energize on the things that make me happy and successful and put little to no effort into the things that don’t accomplish either of those. It’s so easy to lose sight and go wayward, but now that I see clearly it’s time I get back to focusing on my core strengths.

What are yours?

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With 2011 fast approaching our rearview mirror, it’s a time many reflect on the year that was and look ahead to potential and possibilities for 2012. As for the word resolutionist, I had no idea this was even a word until my friend Cortney Casey used it in a Facebook conversation. Then like any good computer geek, I looked it up on the interwebs.

Ever since I was in high school, I’ve been looked at as someone friends felt comfortable confiding in when they didn’t know where else to turn. It’s probably one of the main reasons why I chose to study Psychology in college and become a Social Worker, albeit only for a few short months, right after graduation. There’s something so refreshing about seeing those you’ve mentored and counseled excel, well beyond any paycheck could provide. Inherently, I think we’re all born with that feel good gene and anytime we help someone besides ourselves. Even though there’s a tremendous satisfaction helping my clients, I feel a different exuberance when I’m able to have a positive impact on ambitious, up and coming entrepreneurs and business professionals.

Jenna Frye

Over a year ago I met Jenna Frye online, Twitter to be more exact. Late one evening I tweeted that if you wanted to link your favorite blog (that you wrote), I would compile them and send out to my network. Within minutes Jenna and a handful of others tweeted back with what they thought was their best work. I read them all, but something about Jenna’s stood out. It was a blog about her desire to find a job in the PR industry. I reached out and scheduled a phone call. A few months later Jenna submitted a video resume after we discussed the benefit of creating one, here it is in case you want to check it out:

After further conversation, we discussed the possibility of an intern opportunity for The Hungry Dudes. The plan would allow Jenna to demonstrate her skills during our internship with the hopes of landing a full time position with a PR firm. My goal in working with Jenna was to take on a mentor role and help her in any way that I could because there’s something special about her. She’s extremely gifted and someone who is going to succeed; she just needed a little guidance. Today, Jenna is very happy working at Weber Shandwick with the hopes of getting hired on at the end of her internship.

Mallory Brown

I’ll never forget the first time I met Mallory in person. It was at a Tweetea at Farmhouse Coffee and Ice Cream in Franklin. At the end of the meeting before people departed Mallory stood up and talked about her company World Clothes Line and an authentic Peruvian Hat she was considering adding to her product line. As everyone was leaving I asked Mallory a few more questions about her company because I was so impressed that she actually created a business, a philanthropic one no less, at such a young age. Wanting to share her story, we decided she would write a guest blog for me, and scheduled a coffee meeting a few days later.

Having a chance to learn more about Mallory and her mission of clothing the world, I was so impressed that I asked how I could help beyond posting her blog. Mallory mentioned that she was thinking about finding sponsors for an upcoming trip to Peru where she would deliver clothes to underprivileged families. After much convincing (on my part) we decided to hold a fundraiser which raised thousands of dollars. Since Mallory’s return we’ve met a handful of times as I wanted to continue helping her succeed any way I could. Much like Jenna, Mallory possesses that special intangible not always found in young professionals.

Plan for 2012

As 2011 comes to an end, it gives us a chance to reflect on the past year and look ahead to what next year has in store. No doubt increasing revenues is a goal, but who isn’t looking to make more money than the year before? Money buys freedom and a certain level of security; however, one goal that I’m putting in my planner is to find the next young aspiring business professional that could benefit from professional guidance. The satisfaction I get from helping others reach their goals is extremely important to me and something I find necessary in my life. Some people need to stick to a workout regime; others need to clean and organize regularly to feel complete. Finding that “thing” that motivates you beyond the almighty dollar could very well be your goal for the upcoming year as well. Who knows, maybe you’ll join me in finding someone to mentor. It’s the giving season after all.

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One thing that’s undeniable is that each of us has our own perspective, regardless of whether we’re talking about politics, sports, money, you name it. We have different experiences causing different emotions and because of that, we see things through our own rose-colored glasses.

When it comes to business, being able to understand what your customer, client, or prospect is going through and knowing how to work with them in a way that makes them comfortable and happy will ultimately dictate your success or failure. It makes all the sense in the world why they need your product or service, to you, but unless you can put yourself in their shoes, explain your value proposition in a way that makes complete sense to them, they’re less likely to buy whatever you’re selling.

Instead of using business examples, I want to use real life examples as I think they have more impact. Over the past few days, I have experienced the scenarios below so they’re fresh on my mind. What I’m hoping you’ll do through this exercise is to recognize when you’ve been guilty of losing perspective, because it happens to us all.

Scenario 1

You’re sitting in your car, at a green light behind a few other cars and you notice the traffic isn’t moving. You quickly realize there’s a funeral procession causing the backup and have a choice of how you let it affect you. Since I just lost my grandfather recently, and experienced being one of the cars in the procession, I was completely calm, giving respect to those who were going through the same experience.

I looked over to the car next to me and realized the female in her 30’s was not nearly as calm, white knuckled, and screaming in frustration. She was feeling inconvenienced, I was feeling sympathy to those who just lost someone in their lives. Different perspective, same scenario.

Scenario 2

You like the Chicago Bears, I’m a Detroit Lions fan. During the game you’re rooting for your team and when things don’t go your way, you blame the referee or the wind. Your team gets called for a penalty; you thought the other team cheated. At the end of the game, after the team you rooted for lost, you start explaining why you think they lost. The winning team’s fans saw things unfold differently of course. Who’s right and who’s wrong? It all depends on your perspective.

Scenario 3

I’m having lunch with a good friend who happens to be a single mother of two. She used to spend time on social networks as it was part of her job function. Now, she has a new job and is not required or expected to spend time on social networks. Ever since she started her new job, she hasn’t made it a point to spend time on Twitter or Facebook like she used to. As she explains, it’s hard to juggle all the responsibilities and necessities of her life and spend time online. She readily admits that it’s doable, but her routine has all but eliminated this activity.

Contrast that opinion with your typical social media advocate who believes everyone should get involved in social networking. We often think about how others should run their lives based on how we are running ours. If we have time to work out, so should the next guy. If we have three jobs to make ends meet, anyone could work three jobs if they really wanted to do so.

When friends of ours don’t do the social networking thing because they don’t see value in it or express a lack of interest, we think they’re missing out on a vital part of life. We rarely take the time step back and try to process things from their vantage point. If we’re able to pause for a moment and attempt to see things through their eyes, we may just realize that we all have different perspectives, needs, and abilities. These varying perspectives color and affect our words and actions. When we’re able to open our eyes and gain a better understanding of how other’s think, that’s when we learn a priceless life lesson.

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Even though social media is no longer considered the new kid on the block, in the professional sector, for many it’s still in its infancy when it comes to incorporating a social media marketing plan for business. Often the first words you hear from a CEO is, find me case studies. Most large corporations don’t like to be the first when it comes to innovation or risk taking, and with social media being a fast moving target, having data in hand provides comfort for them. The biggest problem with this scenario is all the data and information that was never reported or turned into a case study.

Consider this example:

An avid social media user, and friend, Henry Balanon confesses his love for Red Stripe beer. He tweets about it, talks about it when checking in on foursquare at a bar, and shares his love of the beer to his Facebook friends. Everyone knows Henry is a loyal and passionate Red Stripe fan, well, everyone except Red Stripe. They didn’t have the wherewithal to create an account and listen for people talking about their beer. Sadly, this becomes a missed chance to interact with their supporters and advocates. If you’re thinking that Red Stripe is such a large company, they don’t need to worry about one consumer, replace this example with a small business who often are just as egregious in setting up their listening tools.

The Result

Henry was open to being swayed away because he was never contacted or engaged by a brand advocate, who had ample opportunity to do so. Now, our Red Stripe fan drinks Michigan craft beer, almost exclusively. Red Stripe never enters his shopping cart, doesn’t roll off his tongue when ordering at a bar, and doesn’t enter his psyche.

Michigan craft beer has a presence, appears at many local community events where a distributor speaks to the audience about the beer, their special ingredients, et cetera.  They get involved in beer dinners with representatives having the opportunity to talk about their beer making processes and what separates them from the competition. There’s a bond that forms when we add context to our favorite drink. It’s not just enjoying one at home, it’s talking with brand representatives, and wanting to continue building that relationship all while enjoying the tasty beverage.

What would have happened if…

Rewind the clock and go back to when Henry was enjoying Red Stripe. What would have happened if he was contacted online by a brand representative thanking him for his repeated mentions of being a Red Stripe fan? Better yet, what would have happened if they contacted him offline and got mailing information to send him a case for being such a loyal supporter? Instead of sending beer, what if they sent limited Red Stripe SWAG that couldn’t be purchased or was hard to get?

The result would look like this

My guess is our Red Stripe fan would still be purchasing and talking about their product today. Sure, he may have tried other beers, maybe even become a Michigan craft beer aficionado, but he’d always remember what Red Stripe did for him, acknowledging his support. He would make sure that he still gave love to Red Stripe because his context would have changed, it would have been more intimate.

What’s the ROI of losing a loyal fan, one that was screaming from the rooftops (or in today’s language, Twitter) about his love for their product? How many other people in his 10K Twitter following would have purchased this product because they trust their friend and through his positive experiences, would have also wanted to become a supporter?

We’ll never know the answer of how much money the company lost because they weren’t there listening when the tools became available. The opportunity was sitting right in front of them and they blew it, most likely never to return again, at least for this lost consumer. I sure hope they weren’t waiting for a case study, telling them it would have been a good idea to engage with fans like Henry.